I don’t know if the first thing we should do is to forgive. Because I know I can’t do that. I mean, I tried. But every time I try to hold the anger in, it feels like the pain deepens.
So I let myself be angry. I let myself cry and feel stupid for letting it happen. I let myself be angry at the person who caused the pain. I vent. I rant. I throw away everything that reminds me of better times.
I delete every photo of us in my phone and then untag myself from every photo that had both of us in it.
Then I let myself see everything that happened for what it was.
The last time I was completely heartbroken was when someone I thought was my friend told me that I had imagined a friendship with her. I was devastated.
I cried and I wanted an explanation. There was none, other than that I had overstayed my welcome.
I tried very hard to not be angry. To explain my emotions away. But it only made me feel worthless.
I remember spending five months after that being angry. I wasn’t a loving person. My sister told me that she felt like she had lost her best friend. I cursed at people more than I should have. I pointed a middle finger to a man who honked at me.
I was angry at everything. I was angry at my friends. I was angry at relationships. I was suspicious about new friendships. The cut was so deep I honestly felt it would stay there like forever.
In the pain I felt and the mess in my mind, I thought of revenge. To let her feel the pain I had felt. It is only fair, right?
An eye for an eye.
But instead, I let go. I remember precisely where I was when I decided to let go. I was sitting in my car at 12pm, ready to go for lunch. It was March 2014. I was very angry still. I remember my fists clutched on the steering wheel. I had been angry for five months. For five months I had agonised over the details of our last argument.
In my mind was a conflict. On one side my mind begged me to stop.
‘How many more months do you want to waste away hating someone? Just one person?
You’re wasting your life away. You don’t even know how to love people anymore.’
On the other side it wanted the flame of hate to go on.
‘She has wronged you. You’re smart enough to prove her wrong. Do it. Live your life in such a way that she will regret everything she said and admit that she’s wrong.’
That day I decided to end the struggle.
I let go. My mother always told me: ‘Lu Wee, you can be right or you can have peace and love.’
I chose peace and love that day.
How to deal with people who wrong you
So I think the way to deal with people who wrong you is this. First, get angry. Get very angry.
Then walk away. Promise yourself to never allow them in again. They are toxic.
Never plot revenge because revenge takes up energy and time from you. You are worth more than that. You can devote that time and energy to creating beautiful things you can share with this world.
Never also live your life or plan your life to prove anyone wrong. If they have wronged you, let it be. You cannot please everyone. Moreover, single-minded focus on the aspects you want to be proven right on will only prove to disappoint you. Believe me. I tried it.
Instead, let go and live your life according to your hopes and dreams. Then, most important of all, surround yourself with people whose love for you is firm and unwavering, unconditional on circumstances.
Today, I am angry. So I let myself be angry.