How to be strong

I don’t know how to be strong. When I feel weak, I just break down in front of everyone I know. Though I still make sure I don’t cry in front of strangers, the ones closest to me always know.

I don’t know how to be strong. I only know how to talk to people who will tell me that I will be fine even when I’m doubting the possibilities of ever being fine. But I trust them. I trust them because in these moments, they know me better than I know myself.

I don’t know how to be happy when I’m sad. I only know how to be sad when I’m sad. I’m not the type to pretend to be happy when I’m sad. I can’t. It hurts.

I replay music I’m familiar with over and over again until I remember what it feels like to be myself. I talk to anyone who would listen until I feel my plight is fully understood.

I let myself be comforted until it doesn’t feel as bad as I first started. I let myself sulk until I get sick of seeing myself frazzled.

Then I stand up. I stand up and I tell myself that this has to stop. And that if I’ve made a decision, I need to move forward.

Today, I made a decision. And I will move forward.

What weakness taught me

In my weakness I learned two things:

1. That no one is really as strong as they seem. When someone shows weakness, give them comfort, not advice.

2. When I feel weak, all I need to do is take one step at a time. Eat, sleep, breathe. Get into a rhythm and things will be okay over time.

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