I don’t know how to be strong. When I feel weak, I just break down in front of everyone I know. Though I still make sure I don’t cry in front of strangers, the ones closest to me always know.
I don’t know how to be strong. I only know how to talk to people who will tell me that I will be fine even when I’m doubting the possibilities of ever being fine. But I trust them. I trust them because in these moments, they know me better than I know myself.
I don’t know how to be happy when I’m sad. I only know how to be sad when I’m sad. I’m not the type to pretend to be happy when I’m sad. I can’t. It hurts.
I replay music I’m familiar with over and over again until I remember what it feels like to be myself. I talk to anyone who would listen until I feel my plight is fully understood.
I let myself be comforted until it doesn’t feel as bad as I first started. I let myself sulk until I get sick of seeing myself frazzled.
Then I stand up. I stand up and I tell myself that this has to stop. And that if I’ve made a decision, I need to move forward.
Today, I made a decision. And I will move forward.
What weakness taught me
In my weakness I learned two things:
1. That no one is really as strong as they seem. When someone shows weakness, give them comfort, not advice.
2. When I feel weak, all I need to do is take one step at a time. Eat, sleep, breathe. Get into a rhythm and things will be okay over time.